I am so tired with waiting the passport. Since I had an interview with the staff in the embassy, it have been 6 weeks now. The student permit is still no where I can see. It is really frustrated to wait such a long time.

At the beginning, I am so exited to wait it, and when the phone rang, I would become very nervous. However, after 4 weeks, I began feeling worried about the passport. I thought about it a lot in every day and hoped to receive it dearly. After 6 weeks, it seems the passport has disappeared in my life. I start to feel frustrate and angry with the embassy. Why can it be so long to wait for the passport? It came much faster in Beijing and Shanghai. How come it come so slowly in Guangzhou? What makes me more angry is that since the passport has not come, I still have to take the exam which I hated so much at the university. However, there will be no use to angry with the embassy, because it doesn't help. So, what I can do now it's wait and wait again.

Forget to tell why I am waiting the passport. I have been accepted by the University of Helsinki in Finland. That's awesome. So I apply for the student permit in 26th May in Guangzhou.

He married. That is what I knew this morning.I am not sure my feeling is sad or not. But I am sure that I really feel sorrow and tears roll down my cheeks. I love Dai Guanghong when I was a high school student, and now I am a graduate students. That means 8 years has passed. I said I dare not to love another guy like Martin Xia, is because of fearing heart breaking again. And the first time that I really felt heart breaking is because of leaving Dai Guanghong when I graduated from high school. I loved him so much that I treasured every moment when we spent together, even though he didn't know I loved him. In 2001, I met him, and he was my chemistry teacher. He was so charming when he was teaching chemistry in the class. From then on, I began loving him and remember every moment we spent together. The scenes that we first met each other and he talked to me. I really tried myself best to remember his feature especially when I knew that we hardly see each other after my graduation from high school. I have already decided to write down the every moment we spent together in my gmail in Chinese. Since 8 years has passed, I think my love to him has faded. However, it doesn't true. Recently, I soddenly think of him and wanted to see him again. At that time I didn't really realize that I still love him so much as before. But after saw him again on 6th Feb, 2009, I knew I was wrong. I still love him so much as before. From then on, I tried to find more information about him online. The most unfortunate moment came this morning. I learnt from website that he married with another chemistry Huang sw, who I have been seen on 15th Jan, 2005. At that time I don't realize that they will fall in love with each other, because I thought they just knew each other for a such short time (may be half a year).Even though I knew his marry would happen in one day future, I still feel sorrow. They not only married in 2007, they also gave birth to a baby in 2008. When I was in high school, I guessed that Dai GH will marry Gu CH in future. Because they seemed to be lovers. Maybe I guessed wrong at that time. And I even felt sad that when I saw Dai and Gu come together. Once I thought I would have a chance to say I love him after I met him on 6th Feb,2009, however, since he get married, I have to say nothing but keep that as a secret in my life. I would try my best to finish writing the moment we spent together and send to Dai GH in Teacher's Day as a gift. But in the Teacher's Day Card I won't write down I love him. I just want to tell him that he is a good teacher and I admired him once when he teaching me chemistry. God bless him and me. Let this be a secret forever.

It has been a long time since I write my blog. Recently I have sent many e-mail to many professors. However, only few of them give me a reply, what's more, it's a rejection reply. That really make me upset. But I tell myself I will try again and again, I won't give up. That's all for my future life. These days, I found that my friends and classmates don't want to do their jobs. They said it was really tired to work and hope to continue to study at the university. They said they admired me that I can stay at school, continue study and need not worry about jobs and money stuff. As a matter of fact, I really don't like to work, but I don't like to study at this university either. Because I just can't see my future in this university. The experiment starts, and fails again and again. But at this moment, I don't as frustrate as before. Maybe I am changing. I am not so serious of the things which it's fail many times. Because the experiment doesn't worth my worry. The main thing I have to concern is my family, their future. I have to work hard to give them the best. I will find the university to study abroad.

Recently, I met my classmates. That really brings me so many memories. The time we stay in the dorm, and talk with each other. Now, I won't have this happy time with them again. Because they all leave school, and leave me alone at that horrible university. I really miss them. But I am lucky to see some of them at school. Just like yesterday I see J.T. Xu . That really make me feel the undergraduate days is coming back again. This morning I talk with X.T. Li, he is working so hard to fight for his future, even though he is working for such a long time.

I have to work hard, I believe one day, one of the professors will give me an offer and I can study abroad.

Things won't go smoothly. It seems many things will happen and you have to make decision and worry about it all the time.

 The university UBC I chose will come to China have an interview in November, however, the agency of MFS program need to get money from applicant. I really want to apply for the program by myself, because I can handle it and don't need the agent help. But the application procedure must be handled by the agency, and I have to pay this huge amount of money which I think is unnecessary to the agency.

Therefore, I have to consider again. Everything seems to change, I began to find other University and other Master Program. Now there are so many choice for me to choose. However, I just don't know which choice will the best, and which choice will succeed. I choose UBC's Agriculture Economics Program, U of Guelph, U of Alberta and U of T 's Economics Program which is for Bachelor Degree.

I have written letters to these Universities. After that, I guess it is not easy to wait a reply. I can understand that because there are so many e-mail they read every day, the e-mail from a Chinese student without any research experience and knowledge of economics won't be easy to attract their attention.

However, I will try again and again, because that is my future. I have to go abroad to continue my studies. The university I stay now won't give me the future and life I want and pursue. The low technology which can be boasted by Chinese professors have be threw by foreign countries. I have to fight for my future, so I have to go abroad to study. I know there are so many difficulties studying abroad, such as tuition fee, accommodation fee, culture shock and so on. No matter what happen, I will try my best to conquer it.

Recently, sometimes I will miss my university's classmate, especially when I see the accommodation I lived in the past four years with my dorm-mates. The dorm once belong to us, but now is lived by other students. The feeling is so sad. I really miss the time I spent with them in the Room 401& 402. The National Day Holiday will come in a week. I think I will use these holidays to meet my friends who I have not seen for a long time. I really hope to keep the friendship with them forever.  

IELTS result has come out, and I have passed the test. I meet the minimum requirement of the University. I feel that I really perform well in this test, because I just prepared this test for one and a half month, and bought few books (the total money I spent on the books is less than 200 yuan). I didn't take part in any Preparing Test Classes which are so expensive. However, I am a little disappointed. Since I can get a higher mark in this test. But I reassured myself that the most important thing is to meet the minimum requirement, if I can't meet that, I have to take the test second time.

After the IELTS result coming out, I begin to apply for graduate program at foreign university. I guess there will be so many thing to do, so many material to write and so many money to spend. I really hope that I can get the Addmission Scholarship, because the tuition fee is so high in foreign university, especially for internetional students. I don't want to use so much money from my dad, because he worked so hard to earn the money. I wish I can afford the tuition fee by myself. I want to give my family the best life. In order to get the Addmission Scholarship, I swear I will try my best to perform well in interview with a foreign professor.

There are still many thing to do, worry and consider. I will do my best and hope everything goes right.

Today is September the 12th, 2008. To me, this is a really important moment, because the test result come out today. I really want to write down my this moment's feeling. I am nervous, because I don't know whether I will pass the test or not. If I can't pass the test, I have to take the test again. I am not sure I can do as well as last time. I am concerned the result, if one of the scores don't pass 6, that means I fail in the test. I really want to know the result of test, but I am really scared to see the result. The feeling at this moment is sophisiticated. It's very difficult to depict by words. However, I really like this moment, even though the result has come out, but I still don't know, the result is just in front of me, I can know it in a second. After I check the result, after this few seconds, the whole feeling will change. Although I am so scared to see the test result, I really love this feeling, since this feeling won't happen in my life many times. So I treature this moment's feelings. No matter what happen after seeing the result, I will enjor this few minutes before knowing the test result. I work so hard in order to pass this test, hope to see the result I want. I really want to enjoy this moment's feeling, but I have to check the result now. Smile to face any problem in front of me. I am the Queen of the world. I know my life is going to change after seeing the result. This is the best moment to feel the change of my fate. No matter what happen, I won't give up. Never, never give up. Remember this moment, Sally, fate is changing.  

Today is the last day for my summer holiday, because tomorrow I have to register for a new postgraduate school life. The feeling of mine now is so sophisiticated that I have never felt before.

I don't want to start the new school life, because I knew what is waiting for me. Therefore I hope time can stop for me. In the other hand, I hope time go faster, because I am waiting the IELTS result coming out. If the time can go faster, I can know my the test score earlier. But I am scared, what will happen if I can't get 6.5 in the test. What is waiting for me? have the test again? It's so expensive and I don't know I can do as well as the first time. If I can pass this test, I can apply for the foreign university earlier, and leave the university I don't want to stay earlier.  

What will happen if my application succeed. I have to leave my family and study in a unfamiliar enviorenment alone. I will miss them very much, since this is the first time I leave them such a long time. I really love my family, because they give me so much support and love when I growing up. What is more, the tuition fee is so expensive. I always hope that after my graduation I can give my family the best life. So studying in foreign university give me an opportunity to find a decent job in future and give my family the best life.

What will happen if my application fail? I really don't know. Staying in that awful lab for three years may be the only answer to this question. I don't want to stay there. Every time I think of the awful lab, I am really frustrated. If I fail in application, may be I can comfort myself that I can spend more time with my family. But what will the future be? Get a low payment in a boring job. I can't afford the best life for my family.

There are so many things to worry about. However, no matter what will happen in future, my love to my family won't change, I love my family and hope to give them the best life. 

This Saturday, I have to go to university to register. The school life will begin again on 6th September. However, this time I am not so happy to start this new school life, even though this is my first postgraduate school life. Because the couses waiting for me is so boring, all the course I have learned before, such as Food Chemistry, Food Nutrition and so on. That is all I have learned when I was an undergraduate students. What's more, the courses will be arranged from the afternoon to night till 10 pm. I really don't understand why teachers like to have class at night. Why not take the classes in the morning? They all sleep late? It seems every one enjoys their new school life, except me. What is worse, I have to continue my experiment in that awful lab. Doing experiment in that lab is a nightmare. I still remember last semester I finish my graduate thesis there by doing the experiment in that lab. The enviroment is so awful in that lab.The building of the lab is fragile, and it seems it will collapse without the help of earthquake, however it was built just one year ago. I really don't want to continue my graduate study there, but I have no choice now. However, I won't give up. I promise myself that I will work hard on studying English, then pass the IELTS, and apply for another university in foreign countries. I never, never give up. I will succeed, I must succeed.